Day 258-259 - Days With Ivan

Day 258 (Saturday 28th) - EDC

After checking out I spent a large amount of today dicking around on the Internet, waiting for instructions from Ivan as to what I should do tonight. I also wandered around the beach a bit, walked up main street, had a bagel and watched the world go by, did some very mild shopping (nowhere seems to sell spray anti-perspirant, it's all wierd roll-on or stick stuff, both of which I disagree with on many levels) and bought a phone for $90 or so. Eventually Ivan emailed me to let me know the address of the hotel we were to be staying in, and gave me an ETA of about 5. In the end, I got there at half seven, and he didn't arrive for a good hour or so, so I ended up sitting like a lemon in a crowded hotel room with a load of strangers, all of whom were getting dressed in their best rave finery - garish stuff for dudes, and tiny corset, fishnet and lacy underwear for the girls. Awesome. When Ivan (and my ticket) arrived, we did a wee bit of pre-partying, snorkelled some vodka and red bull, and away we went. When we got there (we being about 10 of Ivan's housemates and friends) there was a massive queue/scrum for the entrance, in which we lost and found everyone a few times. Ivan estimated that he knew 200-300 people there, and I can easily believe it. There were so many gorgeous girls, mostly clad in just underwear and heels, which ruled. Also a fair few impressive costumes strewn about. We took a while to make it into the main arena, the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, which is USC's home ground for American football. It's a cavernous barn of a place, but nonetheless the pitch-cum-dancefloor was packed with people. We went down into the centre of the melee for a while, and were dancing around for a good 15 minutes before we realised we were dancing to Moby. We stayed until the end of him, and went out of a side entrance to what we thought was the Drum & Bass stage. It was playing a bit of rock, so we turned away confused, but just as we were heading out the MCs got going and they dropped some awesome D & B, which wierdly caused a mosh pit, the first one I have seen at such a venue - it was a lot of fun. We milled about for ages, trying to fight through scrums at various bars to get beers, eventually returning to the coliseum to catch Paul Van Dyk, the headliner. He was OK, but I must say that by about 0320 I was over him, and was looking forward to the end (only of him, not of EDC) at 4. Also the show was soured a bit by some outrageous extortion on the part of some of the bar staff. They were not only giving no change, but were waiting until thirsty ravers shouted "$4 tip!" and so on, before selecting who to serve. I waited for a stupidly long time, and ended up paying $40 for 4 glasses of wine - an $8 tip for the worst service ever.

Anyway, all in all it was an awesome night. We were walking around for a long time trying to find a cab, and found some after an hour or so of wandering, by which time the sky was distinctly bright, as it was about half 5 by the time we got in. Our cab driver was apparently the only Laotian taxi driver in all of LA, and was pleased to hear that both Ivan and I had been to his homeland. Back at the hotel we drank and chatted in the courtyard until the guard moved us on, then moved to the room - we had got a second room, as there were at least 25 people trying to fit into one. In the end 12 people slept in ours, in the bed, the cupboard, the bathroom, and bent all round each other on the floor. There were some strange conversations afoot, concerning a massive basket of apricots (literally hundreds) that Sam had brought with him, and an energy drink called Extenz, which apparently has a Viagra equivalent in it. We may have an Extenz party at some point - then again, we may not.

Day 259 (Sunday 29th) - To Isla Vista

Around 10, those of us who had slept at all got up, and we headed out to the cars for the long drive to Santa Barbara. Our journey included a brief stop at Sam's house to pick up his car and play with his puppies, then a trip to a Mongolian BBQ restaurant, where we all devoured far too much food, then all came home for a nap. I lay in the sun with my hat over my face dozing and reading alternately, then Ivan took me on a tour of Isla Vista, the area they live in. It seems like a cool place, apparently "prone to parties", according to Ivan. Tonight we are going to a few friend's houses, and just generally hanging out - with the exception of the place 3 doors down, who hav been playing Beer Pong all afternoon, the town seems to have a collective hangover after EDC. I should mention, by the way, that Ivan's place backs right onto the ocean - there is just a foot of space between his fence and the cliff that plunges into the Pacific. Awesome.

Day 257 - An Evening in Venice Beach

Shortly after writing the last post, I walked down to the lounge, saw it was full of people drinking, so I went in search of food and a liquor store so I could join them. I bumped into the German fellow from my room (Ky? Ty? Something like that) who told me there was a place round the corner, and also that he was only 20, so would I mind buying it for him? This posed no problem for me, so having ordered some confusing platter of Mexican food, I nipped off to grab the beers. The old Chinese lady in the shop didn't end up IDing either of us, instead she just gave us a knowing grin as she took our money. Dinner was pretty good - tamales, a taco and some grey stuff based on beans, all with loads of rice and a particularly insipid ice tea - that, and the bewildering inclusion of coriander (sorry, cilantro) were the only things that let it down. I encountered three English guys from Newcastle on the way back, all of whom were wearing hats, as was I, and proceeded to feel a bit silly as we all trooped into the lounge and sat next to each other. We met a few other people, including Britney (18) and Derrick (16), an American brother and sister, who were staying here on their way to Frankfurt. All the over 21s went out around half 11 to various bars, however I decided that I couldn't be bothered, and I had a few more Buds to get through anyway. I ended up giving two to the American kids, who were far more grateful than they should have been for two $1.25 beers. When we were kicked out of the lounge around half 11, myself and the underagers walked down to the beach to finish our drinks, after due consideration of the homeless/crackheads risk. Also with us was Ky/Ty and a gorgeous half Japanese girl from Iowa (maybe) called Naomi (also maybe - I just had to slam the computer closed as she walked over, and people always pick their names out, which could have been wierd). Had a good chat and some hot hat-swapping action, before calling it a night around half one. As it turns out, all the people who went out got in not long after, as everywhere round here closes at two, which is a bit rubbish.

Day 255-257 - Coming To America

Day 255 (Thursday 26th)- Auckland to LA

Today was a slightly underwhelming last day in New Zealand. I got up, checked out, made breakfast and just kind of wandered around a bit, repeatedly bumping into Jenny, Carly and the hairdressers. I went down to the marina, checked out some big boats, failed to find the present I was looking for for Dad, then got the airport bus without any fanfare or even anyone to say goodbye to. Rubbish. I was very early at the airport, got an exit seat, and just, well, got the flight. Onboard I watched Lars And The Real Girl, a really sweet movie about a fellow and his delusion concerning a so-called 'love doll'. Also I watched St. Trinians (jovial nonsense), 10,000 BC, (Apocalypto-esque nonsense) and a Top Gear special about Botswana. One thing I did object to was that I was intending to use Paul McKenna's technique for overcoming jet lag ("Get Drunk. And I mean really drunk"), but I was only offered one beer, and despite the fact that I could see that the trolley was overflowing with complimentary wine, whisky and the like, the opportunity never presented itself again.

Day 256 (Thursday 26th, again)- A Day In Venice

On arrival at LAX I got a cab for the 5 miles to Nate's house, found his spare key, dumped my stuff and borrowed his 'beach cruiser', as he suggested. This turned out to be a bike with no gears or brakes, instead relying on backpedalling (and a better sense of balance than I possess) to slow oneself down or stop. After a few false starts, and after I had made the important observation that noone rides a bike on the road, I started off down the pavement for the 3 mile ride to the beach. This was not quite as hazardous as I had expected, and on arrival I chained up the bike at the end of Washington Blvd. and started wandering up the beach. This may have been an error of a sort - I had forgotten that there is a bike track leading all the way up to Santa Monica and beyond, which could have saved me quite some time. Anyway, I wandered for a while, enjoying the Camden-on-sea atmosphere that pervades everything here. I walked down to the ocean, had a swim and lay down to read my book - evidently I was more tired than I had thought after the flight, as I almost immediately fell asleep, for an hour or so at least. I woke up, went to buy a hat and saw myself in the mirror -bright red, except for two lines on the side of my head, and some Panda-like marks around my eyes. Bugger. Hoping that the shade of the hat would hide my shame, I walked back down to get my bike, and watched an awesome breakdancing show with a fair amount of comedy, and casual racism (it's the new Rock 'n' Roll) thrown in, and cycled home. As I turned into Nate's street, he was just getting out of his car - somehow 7 o'clock had already rolled around, and my timing was perfect. He looked exactly as I remembered him (which was lucky), and was as friendly and easy-going as I remember too. After a brief catch-up we headed to his friends' BBQ place, Baby Blue on Lincoln, where I was initiated into the world of American BBQ. I ordered the Memphis Queen, a 1/2 rack of baby back ribs and a 1/2 rack of Texas ribs (I am unsure of the difference, but both were delicious), along with mashed sweet potatoes, collared greens & corn bread, all of which were amazing. I finished the ribs, but did a woeful disservice to all the amazing fixins (as it was spelt on the menu). We headed back, stuffed, and I met Nate's housemate Josh, as well as his friendly, slobbery and permanently out of breath bulldog, Matilda. After a brief slump we drove off to Brennan's, home of the famous (apparently) turtle races. These are a somewhat preposterous affair, in which girls sponsor a turtle, then have to come and place it in the ring, while keeping legs straight, backs to the audience, and bending over slowly. If this is not performed to the satisfaction of the staff, a repeat performance is necessary, until they are happy. Oddly, the more attractive girls seem to fail the most at this... Most important is rule no. 1 - Do not point at the turtles. For some reason this is brutally enforced, and anyone caught doing so is fined $10, $20 or $50 for their first, second and third infractions respectively, and also the race is restarted. This all went on for ages, and was surprisingly compelling for what it was. Also, as Nate had promised, a lot of very attractive girls turned up for the spectacle. We stayed until the very last race then left - I was exhausted, and Nate has work tomorrow and then a drive to San Diego for his triathlon. Crazy man. When we got home I set up home on the sofa, and noticed an odd thing on the table - a draft script for Entourage episode 510, dated 24/06/08. Apparently Josh, who works for Jeopardy on the 'Clue Crew', also works on locations for various shows, and as a result gets the scripts. It made for some good bedtime reading.

Day 257 (Friday 27th) - Another Day In Venice

I got up around half nine, grabbed my stuff and went to pack in Nate's room, assuming he'd be gone to work already. In fact, he was lying in bed watching ESPN. he said he had told his assistant to hold his calls, so it was fine. I should mention that he works in 'development'. This means various things, including reading scripts and choosing which ones to forward to his bosses for potential filming, reading loads of books looking for ideas for movies, and a few other duties which all sounded pretty cool to me. I found a place to stay (The Venice Beach Cotel, from where I am writing this) and he very kindly gave me a lift there on his way to work. It is right on the beach, mere seconds from the ocean. I was toying with the idea of going surfing today, but instead I just walked up as far as Santa Monica Pier, and stopped at On The Waterfront Cafe, for a drink and a snack - it was swelteringly hot, and a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade hit the spot (and my empty stomach) perfectly. While I was sitting there I started pondering beaches in general:

One of the best things about the beach is the wonderfully levelling effect that it has - I recall Sentosa Island in Singapore, where the heavily tattooed Chinese gangsters mixed effortlessly with the Malay and Indian populations, with none of the quiet malice that usually surrounds them. Similarly, as I write this sitting on Venice Beach, having a beer and eating Calimari, I can honestly say that all human life is here. Übercool tattooed girls with black hair, sullen cigar smoking Mexicans in the shade, groups of stifling overdressed (in terms of layers, not formality) black guys, absurdly voluptuous Latin American girls, surfers and skater kids, wholesome-looking blonde girls in wayfarers, crazy homeless guys and aged hippies busking/painting/flogging nonsense, all milling about without the slightest suggestion of animosity - if one were to move merely a few miles to the east or to the south, this would almost certainly no longer be the case.

As I said, the drink was hitting an empty stomach, which may explain my somewhat flowery prose. I walked up the beach, lay down and had a bit of a doze - with my hat over my face this time - and read. I bought Bill Bryson's Notes From A Big Country at the airport, which is proving to be an entertaining read. I acquired two other new books today - Nate gave me a California guidebook and the notorious The Game, which we had been talking about last night. I gave him The God Delusion, which I finished yesterday, so it was not all one-sided. After all this wandering I returned to the Cotel, put my luggage in my room and spent ages wandering round trying to find a pharmacy in which to buy some deodorant, as mine was confiscated at the airport as I forgot to out it in my checked luggage, to no avail. I am waiting on Ivan's reply as to when/where/how to meet him tomorrow, but whatever happens I am rather excited.

Day 254 - Matamata to Auckland

After a really comfortable night's sleep, I heard Benjamin and Emily getting ready for school, so I jumped up and went to see what was going on - this was a good decision, as Ben was worried about missing me. I said goodbye, taught them the fish handshake (well, taught Ben, but apparently Emily was really keen to learn it in the car) and after they'd left Ben ran back in and instructed me to come back for longer in the summer, which I promised to do - at some point, not necessarily this summer though. Wayne and I had a walk around his land, and I checked out his motorbikes, one of which is an awesome Russian one with a sidecar, apparently copied from the 1939 German army BMWs - think Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. Wicked. I then helped them with a few computer related things - mainly how to email photos and fixing the printing problems with Ben's birthday card for his Gran. After all this it was time to go. I got dropped in Matamata at 1130, and ate the sandwiches Lisette had very kindly prepared while I waited for the bus. She even popped in an apple, a Coke and a brunch bar - what a nice motherly thing to do. As it turned out, the bus didn't turn up until about 1, as the driver (Dillon again!) had had a bit of a nightmare on the roads - there have been snow and storms all over the southern north island, closing loads of roads. To cut a long story short, we arrived into Auckland around 4, and my Kiwi Experience was officially over. Oh, there was another Brazilian girl on the bus (Elaine) who further confirms my 'all Brazilian girls are sexy' theory.

I spent much of the evening wandering around looking for a haircut, but the only place I could find that was still open didn't speak English, and I was loathe to trust my hair to a Korean lady who had no idea what I wanted. I came back to the hostel for a dinner of pasta and tuna, and gave away some of my sauce to George and Jenny, two northern girls - Jenny is in fact from Spain via Manchester, and as a result has an awesome and confusing accent. Over dinner I told them of my quest for a barber, and they replied that they were both hairdressers! They said they would gladly sort me out if I could find somewhere to do it. While looking for somewhere I met another Jenny, one who I had vaguely recognised, although I thought it was maybe because she was hot. I then remembered that I had seen her in Queenstown and had the same reaction, and she pointed out that I had met her and her friend Carly in Melbourne, on the Neighbours tour! Well, in fact she asked me if I had kept my Libby Kennedy video, which bewildered me for a few moments until it all clicked. I saw Elaine again, and when I told her I was off to get a haircut she protested loudly, saying she liked it like it was. Moments later, in Jenny and George's (and also Jenny and Carly's, by coincidence) room, I met four young Kiwis (aged 17-19, and in town for a Children Of Bodum metal gig) who objected too, saying long hair was always better. They needn't have worried though, as we couldn't find anywhere to do it, and reception wouldn't lend us a broom. Thwarted, I returned to the TV room via the bottle shop - which, I should add, sells Soju! The only place I have seen the stuff outside Korea. It costs 7 times as much here, but $7.50 a bottle is still cheap for something as good as Soju. Anyway, back in the TV room I talked to (Neighbours) Jenny for hours, until we decided to go back to her room - not for any shenanigans, but because it was the only room we could hear which had anything going on. This turned out to be the Hairdressers, Kiwis, Carly and a bloke called Paul sitting around drinking and chatting, so we joined them. Well, I joined them, Jenny slunk off to bed and very subtly went to sleep.

Day 251-253 - Wellington to Matamata

Day 251 (Sunday 22nd) - An Unexpectedly Good Ending

We headed out of Wellington at early, and did the enormous drive to Taupo, through the pouring rain. Consequently, apart from a breif wander around ton, their wasn't really much to be done. When I went back to the hostel, they were playing Blues Brothers in the bar, which I informed all and sundry was my favourite film, and regaled a small Canadian girl with trivia, then Trainspotting came on, then as I tucked into my $7.50 pint and chili, it was time for Life Of Brian. Incredibly, the Canadian's name was Santana, and we played some pool and I introduced her to the wonders of snakebite. When the bar closed, we were semi-joking about going to the hot pools nearby, when we found out they were a half hour's walk away. However, we were then informed that the barman, James, had a van, and that a few other people wanted to go too, so nine of us in total (myself, James and 7 girls) all piled in and went via Woolworths to grab some booze, then out to the pools, which were wicked. We had to be absolutely silent, as it was on Maori land and we had to walk right by their houses, but it was worth it. It wasn't a pool so much as a stream, which had been widened for 10 metres or so, had a flat floor and walls put in, with a waterfall at either end (one in, one out). The water must have been at least 36 degrees, and was really nice. We swam about, chatted nonsense, and generally had a really relaxing time until about 2 when we headed back to the Hostel for a sleep. I wish I could write more about this to try and get across how cool it was, but there really isn't anything else I can say - it was warm, it was dark, it was out in the middle of nowhere, and everyone really enjoyed themselves. Considering how listless I had been feeling for the 27 hours or so previous to our heading out, it was a pretty incredible ending to an otherwise unremarkable Sunday night (apart from Blues Brothers, of course - always remarkable).

Day 252 (Monday 23rd) - Rotorua

After a fitful and inadequate night's sleep, I hopped on the bus having had an odd breakfast of a carrot, muesli bar, crumpet & promite & a coke. Only a short ride today, an hour or so up the road to Rotorua. It was pissing down all the way, so there was no skydiving & no nice views. In Rotorua I decided to go on the Hobbiton tour and figure out how and when to go and see Wayne - after much faffing, a confusing phone call, and three separate visits to the information centre, I decided on a course of action - I would spend the time in between lunch and the Maori cultural evening exploring the town, and in the morning go out to the Wai-o-tapu "Thermal Wonderland". Back in time for lunch, I would then get the shuttle to the Hobbiton movie set, do the tour, and then meet Wayne in the afternoon, stay the night, and meet the bus at 1145 the next day for the final leg to Auckland. Sorted.

So, I wandered round town for a few hours, took a walk around the lake and the sulphur vents - amazingly, this area used to be used as a landfill - in some areas there are tires poking out of the ground, buried underneath sulphur mounds. Also I found an area where there were vents belching steam, and a pit full of black boiling water/mud, with no fences or anything. I wandered for ages, right out to the end of town, while all the time it was pissing down with rain. I walked back into town, read in the room for a while and at seven o'clock headed out on the bus to the Tamaki Maori Village. We nominated a tribal chief (big Darryl from Sydney) to represent our bus for the evening's proceedings, then headed in for the first part - the ceremonial challenge. This involved four Maori warriors representing the four elements and the four spirits of the land. There was much chanting, confrontational dancing and spear waving, followed by the presentation of a peace offering to the chiefs. We went into the village, reconstructed as the Maori would have lived before the arrival of the Europeans, and saw the way they would have preserved food, carved wood, and tattooed each other. It was pretty interesting, and they were all dressed in flax and furs. Next was the various dances, including Poi and a haka, and a few traditional songs, including the love story of the chief who used to live on the island in Lake Rotorua, the descendants of whom now ran the village. The guys performing it all were massive, as were the ladies - fine examples of huge Maoris, all with at least a tattoo or too, and mostly with some fake ones on their faces. On that note, I saw a lady in the visitor centre today with Maori tattoos on her chin, just going about her day. I've not seen that on a woman before. Anyway, after the songs and dances we went for the Hangi, or feast, an enormous buffet of lamb, chicken, fish, mussels, carrots, pasta, sweet potatoes, kiwi pavlova, steamed pudding and a few other things I have forgotten. Whatever was there, it was delicious and I had far too much of it. We had a few more songs and dances afterwards (I gave the Haka a try), before hopping back on the bus and going back to town. I am now writing this in my room while my roommates (Abi, Amy and Rick) write their journals and read their books. I'm up at 0745 tomorrow, so I might call it a night. Kia Ora!

Day 253 (Tuesday 24th) - 'Thermal Wonderland' & Hobbiton

I awoke to a rather dreary and wet Rotorua this morning, somewhat dreading the prospect of walking around Wai-o-tapu for a few hours. I hopped on the bus and off to our first stop, the boiling mud pools, which we in fact visited yesterday on our way there. I borrowed the driver's umbrella (which I did for the rest of  the day too) and headed out on the tour of the main thermal park. Thinking back, I remember a lot of yellow pools, bubbling vents, a strong smell of sulphur, and a general damp feeling. That said, I did feel a bit like I was walking on a combination of the moon and hell, which was pretty cool. The champagne pools, the green, blue and red pools which are on all the brochures and buses, are in fact very impressive. I'm glad I went, it just would have somewhat more impressive if the weather was better - as the air was so cold, there was so much steam around that much of the 'Wonders' were obscured.

After a somewhat meagre lunch of satay noodles and paté (on toast, not mixed together), I got the shuttle to Hobbiton - or Matamata as it's properly known. Our well moustached guide told us loads about Peter Jackson's film history and the choosing of the location for Hobbiton. Before the tour started we were treated to a sheep shearing demo, then we were off through rolling countryside to see the set - only 17 of the original 37 Hobbit holes remain, as all the others were destroyed due to the contract between the farmers and the film studio. Even though all the decoration has been removed, and the holes are just whitewashed wood façades now, you still got a real feel for how it must have been during filming, the party tree and the lake real and still there, and the rain stayed away just long enough to get some cool photos. Also, I finally (after much bemoaning and criticism of the camera) found out how to change the setting son my camera, ISO and white balance etc. After all this I met my godfather Wayne outside the info centre, and headed to his house outside town, where I met his son Benjamin (again) and his daughter Emily (for the first time). We had a nice evening, I played with Benjamin's robot, chatted to him about TV and stuff, and we all watched The Amazing Race together. I forgot that Wayne had travelled more than anyone I've met - he travelled from New Zealand to London back in 1973, and didn't return for 18 years. Also, much of this journey (Nepal to London) was done overland, taking 3 months. He told me how awful Kandahar was, among other stories. After the kids had gone to bed, we had a chat and a beer, and generally a pretty pleasant evening. I was in bed by 10, and slept really well in Benjamin's room, unhampered by other Backpackers wandering around.

Day 249-250 - Kaikoura -Wellington

Day 249 (Friday 20th) - A Night In Kaikoura

Well that was quite a night, coming out of nowhere - having put the drunken dutchman in the recovery position, we played a round of Ring Of Fire, then some of Ride The Bus. The former went on for ages, as everyones repeatedly forgot the rules and had to have them patiently explained by Simon and Josh. It was fun though, and we were left to basically do whatever we wanted by the staff - we had free reign over the stereo, noone else was in the room, and everyone on the bus (except Jos) played the games. Around 11 we went down into town, suitably prepared for whatever Kaikoura had to offer - which at first didn't seem to be much. We went to Strawberry Tree, as recommended by a chap in the hostel, and saw a few songs of a slightly crap live local band. Before too long they cleared off, and I got chatting to a big Maori fellow at the bar - I forget his name, but he bought me a pint seemingly just because I wasn't a local, and I found out that he spent a few months of the year in Italy, and he and his brother Kieran both played rugby locally, and a few other things. While I was chatting to the Maori, the boys from Borehamwood were cracking onto the girls on the bus - Simon with Trog (actually very cool and pretty, just an unfortunate nickname - during a discussion about nicknames I let 'Princess' slip - they immediately seized upon it with glee. Oops), Josh onto Rosa and Dhaval onto Emma - the first two succeeded, I think (well, there were two voices coming from the hostel toilet at one point, and I don't think they all slept in their own beds) and last I heard Dhaval was trying to persuade Emma that her boyfriend was rubbish. The music was pretty good, quite a lot of Drum & Bass and decent dance, none of the crap I have become used to (and exasperated by) hearing all the time. In spite of my ruined neck I had a bit of a dance, and observed the odd dynamics between two quite hot local girls and a throng of local blokes who were dancing with them. I have no idea when we went back to the hostel, but it was pretty ridiculously late, I feel. We milled about for ages making far too much noise, and were up at half 8 to board the hangover bus once more.

Day 250 (Saturday 21st) - Bit Of A Crap Day

We raced off to Ohau, a seal colony nearby, where baby seals grow up along a freshwater creek. It's a bit odd, walking through the bush and seeing seals popping their heads out every now and again. At the end of the walk is a waterfall with a pool at the bottom, which must have contained at least 30 baby seals, frolicking about and occasionally coming over to investigate us - this concerned Buzz, our driver, as he was worried that a mother seal might come out and separate us from her inquisitive cub, but we saw no adults while we were there. We were now off to Picton, where 6 of us were to Hop on the ferry to Wellington, and everyone else joined a full busload of people going south. Facebook details were exchanged - impressive after only 24 hours, the girls and guys who are going south are a friendly bunch - and we bid each other farewell at the terminal. To my dismay, the journey across the Cook Strait was to last over three hours. I spent much of this time lying around on the sundeck until it got too cold, reading in the food court and wandering about the enormous ferry. At one point I sat next to a really interesting looking girl and thought about trying to start a conversation, but she was engrossed in her knitting, so I chose not to disturb her. When we were picking up our baggage, I found myself standing next to her - she was wearing a sort of knitted skirt, green checked coat, and had all her knitting stuff and a few old-fashioned notebooks in a wicker basket. I got the impression she was from another age. Apropos of nothing, she turned to me, smiled and said "This is always the funny bit, when everyone's getting their luggage." I nodded agreement, although I was actually thinking "How is this in any way funny? Tedious, yes. Dull, yes, but not really funny." and asked her about her knitting. Somehow we got chatting about farming and a few other things, and I ascertained that she was American, worked as a Steiner teacher, and had been WWOOFing for a while somewhere down south. She was really nice, and seemed to have a pretty cool life. She asked me about my trip, and I had to admit (grudgingly - I am rather embarrassed to be on the Kiwi bus, and rather wish I had never made the decision) that I was on a tour of NZ for a couple of weeks. She asked me if I could stray from the group, and if I fancied coming to her hostel later for a further chat about farming. I immediately replied yes, and we sort of arranged to meet in the bar of the Downtown backpackers around the start of the rugby.

Our bags came out, she left, and I walked to the bus grinning from ear to ear. I was chatty and funny on the bus, and generally felt awesome. Checked in and fed, I found out how to get there and walked the 25 minutes to her place, saw a pub on the ground floor, assumed that's where she meant, and settled in for the first half of the rugby to await her arrival. 25 minutes in, it struck me that this might not be the right place - I walked around the corner and saw anohter bar, and went into the hostel to ask if I could check their TV room - turns out there's a bar in there too, which is doubtless where she meant. By this time it was half time, and I had clearly missed her. I went downstairs to reception and asked if they could tell me where an American girl named Rachel might be (after much umming and ahhing over whether it might seem odd to suddenly turn up at her dorm, and turning a bright shade of red and ), but they couldn't help me. Bugger. Crestfallen, I walked back into town, checked out my hostel bar, didn't feel like staying around and went back to the room. It's now midnight on a Saturday night in Wellington, when the All Blacks had just won the second test against England. I'm sure there must be some awesome places I could be right now, instead of sitting in bed typing this, but I simply can't be arsed. Damn, really wish I'd found her...

Day 244-249 - Franz Josef - Kaikoura

Day 244 (Sunday 15th) - Franz Josef

Somehow things took an unexpected turn after my last entry - I went to the bar and hung out with Rich, Adam, Tom and Chris (the priests and the plumbers), and we had a decidedly off-colour conversation, trading various stories and generally having a bit of a brag. most of our chat revolved around Taise and Fiona, the Brazilian and Scottish girls respectively. It was $5.50 jug night in the bar, which resulted in minor carnage. Also, I decided to break out the Jim Beam small batch I got at Christchurch airport, almost all of which went very quickly indeed. Consequently, the following day's bus ride was not very fun at all.

Day 245 (Monday 16th) - Franz Josef - Wanaka

A few people opted to do a skydive this morning over the glacier, which looked awesome. I decided to do one instead at Lake Taupo - apparently it's cheaper, and I really didn't fancy the 0600 wake up call. Today was rather a scenic day, as we went to Lake Matheson, a really beautiful mirror-calm lake, and a cool waterfall surrounded by mysterious cairns of rocks, and then arrived at Lake Wanaka for the night. I was in a room with Hans again (have I mentioned him? 32, English, used to work in the city, we've been in each other's company pretty much all the time since Christchurch), as well as Ronnie and Richard, two Scottish blokes. We watched King Kong on the TV in our room, before Hans and I went out for dinner and a drink with Stacey and Lindsay, a couple of nurses from England and Scotland respectively. Oddly, despite it only being about 8 pm, we found no where open at all apart from a couple of expensive restaurants, a grim looking kebab shop, and the Speight's Ale House where we ended up going. Dinner was awesome, a giant chicken burger washed down with a selection of Speight's finest ales. We came back and met Toby and Chris in the corridor - despite it being only about 9, they were utterly wasted and also the only ones who seemed to have been drinking. They were with the two new girls on the bus - Davina and another one, both of whom are incredibly hot. Chris, Toby, Dillon and I joined them, and found a bar round the corner with a few pool tables and some open fires. Chris and I teamed up to play pool, and won 4 games in a row, beating everyone. We rule. Also, somehow Chris managed to hook up with the girl whose name I can't remember, the bastard.

Day 246 (Tuesday 17th) - Wanaka - Queenstown

We got back on the bus, and Toby came and sat by me, stinking of booze, and still pretty drunk, and amusing as a result. We drove out of town to Puzzleworld, which had been recommended to me by Fi - it was awesome, I enjoyed it loads, went through the optical illusions and the Ames Room (think LOTR perspective tricks), as well as the cool maze - I was doing OK, but couldn't quite finish it without some minor cheating - I ducked under a couple of fences trying to find the last corner and the exit. We then rolled on to Queenstown via a fruit shop, for some much needed nutrients - we've been eating so much crap for the last few days, it was good to prepare for the next few days' hangovers. Queenstown seems awesome, it's a bit crap that I can't stay here longer, and also that I can't make it to Canada (I don't think), and also need to buy a ticket for another bus as there's no Kiwi bus on Thursday. Since we got on the bus today everyone's been pumped about getting wasted tonight, as that's the main thing to do here it seems, when there's no snow. Apart from the bungys off the bridge, the ledge, nevis, the canyon swing etc.

The night started pretty well, in altitude bar for some free shots with Dillon - it quickly degenerated as we were boozing in the room, getting rid of Tom's duty free - for some reason everyone decided that they owed me some booze because of last night, which is fine by me. Danish came in with a bottle of cheap Tequila and a glittery top hat (he couldn't find a glass) which he proceeded to fill and scoff the contents of - I've never seen anyone drink it like that, he got rid of half the bottle in the time it took me to have one beer. We moved on to World bar after a few drinks, and safe to say everyone had achieved their goals from the bus. They didn't let loads of us in as they were apparently too boozed. Anyway, I had a pretty good night, struck out with a chick or two, and proceeded to have a deep and meaningful, as well as slightly depressing, chat with Hans about failing to pull. He put forward the idea that it was due to his being of Indian ancestry - I told him this was utter balls, which now I think back could have been construed as an insult, i.e. it's not because you're Indian, you're just crap with girls. On the way back, around 4 am, we stopped off for a Fergburger - my second of the day (I had one for breakfast two - three in 24 hours). If you have been to Queenstown, you know why.

Day 247 (Wednesday 18th) - Hangovers And Swinging

Eugh. Yet another bad morning. I wandered out to enquire about the Canyon Swing, bumped into Toby in the street, and found out that they were going in about 10 minutes, so I joined them. Once on the bus I immediately regretted the decision, realising that I was essentially a coward when it comes to adrenalin activities. I made full use of the Disco Dunny at the site, then went down and got harnessed up. I went first out of all of us, and chose to go backwards. As a brief explanation, you get hooked onto a wire, then jump off a platform, fall 65 metres or so, before the wire picks up the tension and you swing for 200 metres or so, getting up to 150 kph at the fastest bit. To be honest, I was properly shitting it - my legs were shaking all over the place, I was white as a sheet, and it didn't help that the guys who run it are absolute dicks. They dangle you over the edge for a photo, pretend to drop you, and generally screw with you. They gave me loads of (completely unnecessary, it's perfectly safe) tips on how to jump and how not to jump, the various ways you can smash your head into the cliffs (you swing within 15 metres or so of them, it's fairly terrifying) and a load of other crap to freak me out further. Anyway, eventually I jumped, and I'm glad I did. I felt like a proper wimp a few moments later though, as Chris got strapped into a garden chair and lobbed off backwards, then ran off and tried a backwards somersault, whereas Toby managed 4 1/2 flips on his first one, and did the Gimp for his second - this involves hanging suspended by your feet, staring into the canyon, and then being released at random with no warning.

Anyway, we returned to town and bumped into Hans, Adam and Rich who were on their 3rd pints of a lunchtime session. We joined them for one, and Rich, Hans and I went up the gondola to go luging. This was awesome, and also apparently the most dangerous thing you can do in Queenstown, due to the strict safety measures on all the throw-yourself-off-stuff activities. We had 5 races, I came second in every one, which was rather disappointing. There's some gossip I quite want to chuck in here.... yeah why not, I'll be subtle about it. Someone, who I shall call Pete, got the Brazilian into his bed last night, although he claims nothing happened, and the annoyed look on his face tells me he's telling the truth. We saw her up at the top, and Hans acted like a teenager, nudging him to go talk to her, intentionally hanging back with me so that Pete would be alone with her, and other nonsense not befitting a 32 year old ex-banker. Funny though.

We came back down to the town and saw an indoor mini-golf place. Our beers hadn't quite worn off yet, so we thought it was an awesome idea to go and have a game. It was cool, but 18 holes was a bit much. It did have various moving parts and mini skilifts etc, but it took us far too long. Exhausted, we went back for dinner/a kip/a beer (I had venison curry - delicious), then met up in the bar later on. Oddly, it was bingo night in the bar, which was kind of dull. There was a pervading atmosphere of lethargy amongst us, until I suggested that Toby and I get some whiskey and cokes (2 for $8 - an irresponsible and wonderful price) to wake us up. We variously went to Altitude, Buffalo and eventually (against our better judgement) back to World bar. They played a bit of drum & bass in the first two places, which made a welcome change from the R & B and other nonsense they had been playing all night. Anyway, had some teapots of cocktails in the latter, and had a better night than last night, despite Hans pushing me at girls for a while. Back at the hostel, I spaffed about $6 on the massage chair (which I did last night as well), while trying not to look at 'Pete' and Taise who were making out in the chair next to me, before disappearing upstairs. I'm glad this happened, as she was by far the hottest girl on the bus, and everyone had been rooting for him - in a kind of "if it can't be me, I'm glad it's him" sort of way.

Day 248 (Thursday 19th) - Queenstown - Christchurch On A Horrible Bus

Yet another horrible morning, except that this time I had to check out by 10. A few of the boys had to leave at half 6 this morning to go to Milford sound, but as we went to bed at 4 they all failed. Hans uttered a particularly fantastic phrase - when Chris woke him up, he rolled over, and announced very loudly "Tell them that Hans does not go to Milford Sound" before falling straight back to sleep for about 6 more hours. I went out to find some food, ended up back at Fergburger, where I bumped into Marco - as in Marco from the Oz Bus and the Whitsundays. We had a bit of a catch up, but unfortunately I had to leave and try and find my ticket for the bus to Christchurch. This bus was the crappest one I've been on since Chiang Mai - the journey was incredibly cramped, unbelievably hot, and really really long. I got on at 1445, and didn't arrive at Base Christchurch until 2145 - rubbish. Add this to the fact that my neck was in a lot of pain from jumping around last night - I keep having embarrassing little flashes of memory, mainly involving a lot of hair in my face to a soundtrack of Rage Against The Machine or similar. Anyway, my neck is really stiff, and I spent most of the 7 hours trying to bend myself into a comfortable position to sleep. I failed.

Day 249 (Friday 20th) - Christchurch - Kaikoura

Up at 0615 and back on the Kiwi bus. There were only 18 people on it today, in contrast to the fully packed buses I've been on since Christchurch. There are a few lads from Borehamwood, a Dutch guy (who I just accused of being Canadian) called Jos, and a few English girls - none of these people are heading up to Wellington, unfortunately. The people who are, only 6 of them, I have yet to really meet. We arrived in the stunning town of Kaikoura before noon, for some scenic views and whale watching, after a crayfish lunch, which was delicious (Kaikoura means 'to eat crayfish' in maori, apparently). The whale watching was cool, we saw three of them (well, one twice) and some Dusky Dolphins, as well as Fur Seals and a Wandering Albatross (the bird with the largest wingspan in the world). The other people on the bus went Dolphin watching - or intended to, and it got cancelled. This evening we are (at the insistence of the Borehamwood boys) playing Ring Of Fire, and a few other things. I was hoping that this would be a relaxing night, after Queenstown - turns out I was wrong. Oh, I should add, Jos had been reading this over my shoulder since I began Tuesday, and even had the gaul to correct my grammar. The cheek - I know who I'll be nominating in Ring Of Fire.

NB: Jos ended up drinking 750ml of vodka, straight, before 8pm, and proceeded to threaten various lives and wet himself on the carpet in our room. Classy.

Day 242-244 - Party, Possum & Glaciers

Day 242 (Friday 13th) - P Party At The Poo Pub

I feel I'm forgetting stuff as I write these - never mind, most of the stops we make seem to be to look at views, all of which are lovely and all, but not really worth naming here. We stopped at Greymouth for two reasons - firstly to pick up a few more people who had done the trans-alpine train, which included Scottish John from Christchurch (who I mentioned before) and a really hot Brazilian girl, whose name escapes me. She has fallen in with the trend I had noticed - every Brazilian girl I have met on this trip has been really sexy. Incredible. Anyway, the second reason was to get our costumes for the 'P' party tonight. The first stop was a charity shop, filled with awesome clothes, where I picked up a penguin outfit for $4. This consisted of a dinner jacket, black trousers, white shorts that I could wear under the trousers when they were really low, giving me penguin legs, and a white shirt. Also I got a 1 year old's yellow jumper, cut it in half down the middle, and put each sleeve over a foot as flippers. I picked up a yellow visor which I coloured in to look like the beak & eyes. The Poo Pub itself was awesome - run by Les, who is 84 with a huge beard, it is a tiny little place with polaroids all over the walls of the various big nights that have been hosted there in the 15 or so years that the Kiwi bus has been passing through. They looked pretty epic, and I was a little apprehensive that we wouldn't be able to live up to the precedents set by the previous guests. I needn't have been worried - there wasn't so much nudity as other nights, mainly due to the weather, but otherwise we did pretty well. We had a wicked dinner of rump steak and venison stew, then we went to get ready. Among the 50 or so costumes we had were Mario & Luigi (plumbers), 2 paedophile priests (amazingly well done by Adam and Rich), pre-menstrual (terrifying drag costume from Hans), Pac-man, a prostitute (also worrying cross-dressing 0nly worrying because he actually looked really good) and a few punks, pirates and popstars. Mainly due to happy hour, everyone got blasted and had an awesome night. I may have kissed someone I didn't mean to (which noone knows about yet) and managed to discard most of my costume outside the room, as well as losing my hat. Bugger. Anyway, it was all awesome, we looked pretty great, and we all got to know each other pretty well.

Day 243 (Saturday 14th) - Possum Pie & Rugby

Eugh, I felt awful all day, terrible in fact. I made the decision that a red satin scarf and dinner jacket were the perfect items to wear over my jumper. In fact, loads of people rocked up on the bus still in costume at least a bit, and still drunk at least a bit as well. On the bus I just dozed for ages, trying to concentrate on anything other than my headache. We stopped at a little place along the way which had a little museum about how Kiwis used to catch deer to supply farms - by flying over them in helicopters, leaping off the skids and tackling them to the ground - mental. Also they had some possums, a massive wild pig, and some other cool stuff. My hangover breakfast consisted of a pancake and a possum pie - the cajun possum legs looked incredibly unappetising, so I steered well clear. I can't really remember what other stops we made, but safe to say they weren't too remarkable. We got into Franz Josef, drove out to the glacier for a quick look, then went back and checked in, had a nap and went to watch the England vs. New Zealand game in the bar. Remarkably, I felt good for the first time all day after my first pint. The game was really good, some friendly rivalry between the England supporters (all the English people) and the All Blacks supporters (absolutely everyone who wasn't English). Unfortunately England lost, but not by such a large margin as to be embarrassing. 

Day 244 (Sunday 15th) - Franz Josef

Today was our Glacier walk! The day started off really grey and rainy, and we were all rather apprehensive that it might all be cancelled. Kitted up, we hopped onto the damp and somewhat smelly bus to the rainy and grey glacier. There was, however, blue sky on the horizon. It was a really cool day, we donned our crampons and climbed up the glacier for hours, going through crevasses, and at one point a tunnel through the iced. It wasn't quite as pristine and blue as I had hoped, but once I realised that the dirt was all just transported rocks and that it only extended a little way up I got over it. We were split into 5 groups depending on our perceived confidence and ability - I chose to be in group 3, which travelled at a slightly more sedate pace than the first two. The only thing about today was that it's rather hard to describe in words - suffice to say it was awesome, worth the money ($130 I think) and was pleasantly exhausting (the whole day lasted 8 hours). 

Day 239-241 - Arrival in New Zealand

Day 239 (Tuesday 10th) - An Exhausting Day

Well that was ridiculous. I got about half an hour of sleep after typing my last entry, then got up in a panic that I'd missed my taxi, ran downstairs and hopped in with a very chatty driver, with whom I discussed the Red Centre and all the other places I didn't manage to get to. Got the bus to the airport, sat on the internet at the airport while I waited for my plane, didn't manage to sleep at all on it but was given breakfast at 0645, and had a nice chat with the bloke next to me about various things - he had quit his job in banking, worked on a tree farm for 6 months, then got re-hired by the firm he had resigned from, and was now off to Sydney for a week on business. He seemed to know the air steward personally, as they were chatting about who had seen whom at what bar etc. As we flew over Sydney, we were treated to spectacular views - the tallest buildings were poking through a thick layer of fog, which gave an odd sense of scale, like I was looking at a model. The transfer at Sydney was pretty quick, and I was asleep before we took off - I kept waking to find I was slumped, slack-jawed and open-mouthed, against the window or the chap next to me. The 3 hour flight seemed to me to take no more than an hour or so, and on arrival in Christchurch I was subjected to the most thorough drug quizzing I have ever had - did I have any with me? Was I a habitual user? Which ones had I tried? If any, where did I get them and what were they? and so on and so on... After I had passed this grilling, I headed straight to my hostel, and went for a wander about the city - jesus it's cold here. I explored a bit, failed to get my phone to work, and came back to the hostel to sort out my next step - the Kiwi Experience bus trip. I'm leaving early Thursday morning, and should just make it to Auckland in time for my flight - assuming a day each on the Franz Josef Glacier, in Queenstown, Rotorua and Matamata. This is going to be a bit rushed, I feel... I was asleep by about 8 pm, and consequently woke up at 11, 2 and a few other times, before eventually getting up at about 8. When I did this, the first thing I saw was the scottish guy opposite me, John, holding up a bra with a baffled look on his face - apparently he had brought a Canadian girl back from the toga party in the hostel bar last night, and when she had wanted to, as he put it, "do more than was going to happen in a room with 7 other people in it", he had said no and she had fled, leaving this souvenir.

Day 240 (Wednesday 11th) - Exploring Christchurch

I had a rather restless night's sleep, as I mentioned. I left the hostel, having filled up on toast and promite, and walked to a gallery I had read about in The Press, which was showing a series of lithographs putting Herakles into contemporary New Zealand history. when I arrived there, it looked more like someone's front room than a gallery, so I didn't go in and headed to Hagley Park/the Botanic Gardens instead. These were quite nice, although it could have been any park in England really. I went to the Canterbury Museum afterwards, which was pretty informative - I learnt a lot about Moas, Maori culture and a bit of the history of NZ, as well as loads about the Antarctic too. I walked back via the arts precinct, and did a lot of faffing around with phones - blah blah blah, I ended up spending $80 or so sorting it all out. I ended up making a few good purchases today, including some Merino socks, fingerless gloves, a thermal vest and trousers too, all on sale on various ways. Back at the hostel I ended up talking to the aforementioned Canadian from last night and her friend, about various nonsense. The bar was pretty much empty by 11, so I ditched and wandered the city looking for dinner, before retiring around midnight. Very soon after I went to bed, Scottish john and Canadian Kara came back and were whispering something along the lines of "Is this fine? Yeah, everyone's asleep..." before hopping into bed for some shenanigans. I was so close to sleeping that I felt no need to alert them to my awakeness, so I rolled over to preserve some of their dignity. This was unnecessary as it turned out, as they were astonishingly silent in whatever they chose to do...

 

Day 241 (Thursday 12th) - Back On The Buses

I had one of those awkward and annoying nights where you wake up constantly thinking it's way later than it is, and that you've missed your bus, and all that. This began at 3 am when I awoke in a panic, and continued until 7 ish when I conceded that I wasn't going to sleep any more, so I got up and went down to meet the 0730 Kiwi bus - turns out I was on the 0815 one, but no matter. 7 of us were on a little shuttle van across to Murchison, via the St. James' Walkway (bizarre terrain & forests of moss) to meet the big bus for the trip down the west coast to Queenstown. There was some pretty incredible scenery on the way across the Southern Alps, proper LOTR type stuff. From Murchison we went on to the Jetboating place near Westport, which was pretty awesome - down the Bullen river in a Jetboat, speeding along and spinning incredibly fast, and generally getting soaked and having a cool time. We stopped off in our hostel in Westport, watched a video then headed to the Criterion Hotel for pizza and beers. I have ended up in a room with Ad and (bugger I have forgotten his name, he just told me three minutes ago - Chris, maybe? Ad just referred to him as Otto - baffling...) who both seem pretty sound, and with whom I shall be spending most of the next week, before we part ways in Queenstown - most people on the bus are heading back there for the England vs. All Blacks game on Saturday, whereas time dictates that I must leave on Friday, the day before it, Bugger. I am a little worried about tomorrow - the driver, Dylan, has organised a 'P' party at the Poo Pub at Lake Mahinapua tomorrow night, which is taking up most of my imaginative powers right now - Penguin? Pepe Le Pew? Postcard? Papers? There is a ban on cardboard and paint, so this is going to be tricky...

Day 238 - The Fruits Of My Labour

Right, I can now leave Australia, my work here is done.

Day 235-238 - Melbourne, Anglesea and Neighbours Night

Day 235 (Friday 6th) - A Cool Night Out

So after Dave returned from work, we went out for an explore of Melbourne nightlife. We started off at the Shanghai Dumpling house in Chinatown for dinner, with his friend Simon, who looked like he hadn't slept in a week, and was amusingly frantic. After dinner Dave took me to a selection of his favourite Melbourne bars. First was the croft institute, which I had in fact stumbled upon during my adventures a few days ago - it is down a graffiti covered alleyway behind a load of chinese restaurants, and has a downstairs bar that is reminiscent of a chemistry lab, while the upstairs resembles a school gymnasium - awesome. Next was a bar, the name of which escapes me, which had no signs outside or anything to tell you it was there, and inside was an incredibly plush, sexy little place, with open fires, sofas and velvet curtains galore. As I said to Dave, was I a lady I would have been utterly wooed. Next up was the Red Hummingbird, where I met the gorgeous Sarah, Megan and Beck (Pip's girlfriend). We talked at length about all sorts of nonsense, before getting a call from Pip saying that (1) he wasn't being let in as it was too late, and (2) he was feeling rubbish and wanted to go home. We met him and Pip, Dave, Beck and I went home via a bottle shop and chippie. Outside said chippie we witnessed a really nasty fight between a lot of shirtless men and a couple of screaming girls, which we decided (after some brief and ashamed discussion) that we would be unable to stop, so we fled the scene sharpish. It is worth mentioning, by the way, that whatever illness Pip was suffering from didn't prevent him from helping us dispatch a bottle of wine when we got home.

Day 236 (Saturday 7th) - To Anglesea

We awoke, predictably, later than intended, and began the process of preparing for our trip. This mainly involved mincing around drinking loads of tea, before eventually going to get Ellie, Dave's ex, at around 5 pm. We drove down to Anglesea via the video store and Safeway, then Dave prepared his signature dish - Pasta a la Clavarino, which involved loads of carrots, corn, peas, tuna, and was really good and filling, so good in fact that I ate about three times what I should have while we watched two of our three films - firstly Dazed And Confused, which I basically ordered Dave to watch, then Sunshine, which was great, if slightly implausible. After these we decided it was best to get some sleep, as last night was pretty exhausting and tomorrow night was promising to be so as well. Dave's house is awesome, his Dad designed and built it when Dave was really little, coming down on weekends to build more. The walls are made of hand-made mud bricks, there are three bedrooms and a massive lounge/kitchen/dining room area, with wicked views over the gold course, which has a huge population of wild Kangaroos all year round. All very impressive.

Day 237 (Sunday 8th) - A Day At The Beach

We were up in time for brunch, before hopping in the car to go for a surf, as promised. On the way to the surf beach Dave pointed out that we were passing the lighthouse from Around The Twist, one of my favourite kid's TV shows. Even though we were clad in wetsuits, we stopped for a look around and some photos of the iconic location, before heading down to the beach. The water was pretty cold, probably about 13 degrees I think, but the wetsuits did their job, and I had my first crack at riding a longboard (9' 1"). It was great, really stable and easy to paddle, pretty easy to hop up on, and generally less frantic than using a short board. I caught a few good ones, only stacked it badly a couple of times, and all in all had a wicked time in the Great Southern Ocean. Dave got out to get warm a long while before I did, then we headed back for some lunch and to sit in front of the fire. We watched our third film, a New Zealand comedy called Black Sheep, which was amusingly gory and ridiculous, before we ran out of energy completely. We were all napping, and had been for about 10 minutes, when the first wave of arrivals struck - Tipi and Bowen, two mates of Dave's who had been for a surf on the way down. They were closely followed by their girlfriends, Sarah and Megan, who I had met on Friday night, and also Dan and Sam, Pip's boss and workmate respectively. Ellie had to go, unfortunately, and soon after she left we were joined by Pip and Beck, the last to arrive. Dave cooked up some awesome Daal and rice, while Bowen prepared some BBQ lamb chops and sausages out on the barbie. All was fairly civilised for a while, however before too long a game of "Kings" (or Ring Of Fire, as it is also known) was instigated, using two decks of cards and no contributions cup. This game swiftly brought down the tone, due mainly to the 8 "make a rule" cards that were present, resulting in a ridiculous excess of rules, which noone could remember all of. Two good ones were: Every time someone says "Rob", Dave has to rub his nipple (he had twice referred to me as Rob, so we decided a punishment was necessary), and also every time someone says Judy, Megan had to do the same (no idea why, just to even things out I think). Anyway, in summary, everyone got fairly drunk, we went on late-night missions to the golf course to chase Kangaroos, Beck spewed all over the garden, and generally a great time was had by all. Oh, due to the "every time you swear you must remove an item of clothing" rule, at one point Dave and I ended up naked under a duvet on the sofa, but the less said about that the better.

Day 238 (Monday 9th) - More Of Anglesea, And Meeting Dr. Karl!

This morning was a little bit slow - it mainly consisted of 10 extremely hungover individuals trying to clean the house to a spotless standard, whilst producing toast and tea in vast quantities. Needless to say, the 8am surf of yesterday's conversations was swiftly forgotten. A highlight was the return of Ugly the Kangaroo, who bounced into the garden and stopped mere feet from me for a snack, while I stealthily crept up on him, unfortunately without my camera. I have given Dave the task of finding out why this enormous 'roo has three eartags, a ripped ear and a plastic collar. Having said goodbye to all Dave's mates - who were all very friendly, easy to get along with and pretty much all hilarious - we finished the cleaning and headed back to Melbourne, with far more stuff than we had arrived with. There were loads of beers and a fair amount of food left over, which we happily collected and took home. On the way Dave and I had a very involved and interesting chat about (among other things) nuclear power, house prices and rental, what you would do with $1,000,000, the joys of living the student lifestyle and so on. We got back and rented Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, which had been discussed during our "favourite scenes ever" conversation with Ellie. I got myself a bowl of Beck's leftover fish curry and rice (which must be breaking some hangover rule) and settled down to watch it - it was awesome, a really cool, funny and surprising film, due in large part to the slightly incongruous soundtrack provided by Burt Bacharach.

All afternoon I had been toying with the idea of going to Neighbours night at the pub down the road - this decision was made for me when I looked at the stars (I thought about using inverted commas there, but I reckon they are fully deserving of the title) who would be in attendance - Steve Parker, Connor O'Neill, the ubiquitous Dr. Karl Kennedy, and Rachel Kinski. I would possibly describe the last of these as the hottest girl on telly. In fact, when Dave asked me why I was so excited, I compared going and meeting her to going on a date with a girl you've wanted for years - that's honestly how I felt. So, imagine my mood when, having paid $40 to get in, attached myself to a random group of English people on the condition that I'd be awesome at the trivia quiz, I was informed that Rachel was no longer attending, and had been replaced by Janelle Timmins. In a word, gutted. Nonetheless, I had paid my money, so I stayed and swallowed my disappointment. There was a question and answer session (in which the blokes from the group I had latched onto heckled Steve loudly and got sworn at by Connor), followed by a meet and greet and the quiz. The stars came round to every table for photos and a chat. Janelle first, who was really friendly and a good laugh, and from whom I got a great Ben Bruce. Next was Steve, who recognised my friends the hecklers, and told them to at least pretend they liked him and get some photos taken - Ben Bruce photo from him too. Next up was Dr Karl himself, who gave me possibly the best Ben Bruce ever, as well as the best handshake ever, and various other awesome moments. Finally we had the (now rather huge) Connor come over, and give the hecklers some shit, in a very affable and slightly drunken Irish manner. Anyway, back to the quiz - after each round there was some kind of competition for on the spot prizes, including a dance-off, singing competition and two strangers being forced to make out in a slightly creepy way to win trips along the Great Ocean Road. The scores were announced just before the arrival of Alan Fletcher aka Dr. Karl's band - the winner was "A horse walks into a bar. Why the long face? says the barman. The horse replies, I've got AIDS" (not my choice, decided before my arrival), which was us! We won $250, spilt between 7 of us - we begrudged the hecklers this a wee bit, as they had answered no questions and Flick, Izzy and I had got all the others, but never mind. Having collected our $35 each (someone got an extra $5, the bastard) we rushed forward to catch Waiting Room, who were way better than I expected. There was a smattering of original material in there, but they opened with Best Of You by the Foo Fighters, followed by I Predict A Riot and Mr. Brightside, all of which got the crowd pretty excited. I had intended to leave around half 10, as Dave was supposedly waiting up to say goodbye, but I stayed until the end of Alan's set, which was incredible. As I sit here typing this, a full hour after leaving, my ears are ringing incredibly loudly and I can't stop grinning. As Dave predicted earlier, it was a truly awesome end to a wicked time in Victoria, and indeed Australia too. Now, it's 0034, and I have a taxi picking me up at 0345 to take me to the bus to the airport to fly to Sydney to fly to Christchurch, where I will arrive in approximately 12 hours. This is going to be awesome.

Day 233-235 - St Kilda & Erinsborough!

Day 233 (Wednesday 4th) - Busted!

I got up from my surprisingly comfortable bed of cushions and blankets, spent a while (far too long in fact) faffing about in Dave's flat, then went out and caught the tram to town. I had $2.50 in change on me, and reasoned that this should be enough for at least a single, and most ticket machines in Australia take notes anyway. Sadly I was mistaken - the only ticket I could afford was a concession, and the machine didn't take notes. I reasoned that if I was inspected, lacking a concession card I would be in just as much trouble as if I had no ticket at all, so I decided to risk it. As luck would have it, about 2 minutes down the road a couple of Yarra Trams inspectors came on board, inspected everyone else, and for a moment I thought I might get away with it - until the woman standing in the doorway gestured at me, saying "check that lad." Her colleague did so, and as I explained my predicament (first day in town, thought they'd take notes, hoped I could pay at the other end etc. - all true) he nodded along sympathetically, then the git got out his notebook and proceeded to write me up. He asked for my name and date of birth, which I idiotically gave to him - why didn't I just lie? he asked where I was staying, so I told him as much as I could remember. He then requested Dave's number, rang him to confirm that I was staying with him. I told the guy I was only going to be here for a week, at which he responded "well, do you intend to return to Australia?" Apparently if this doesn't get processed in a week, and then I don't respond to any letters as I've left the country, then it'll be taken as a refusal to pay, which could lead to a criminal record in Australia and possible refusal of entry in the future. He marked it as urgent, but I doubt it'll be sorted in time. He said they might just ring up, hear my side, believe me and drop it - something which he could easily have done, thereby avoiding all this nonsense. Anyway, they asked where I was going, gave me a map of the tram lines with all the fare information on it, and then buggered off.

After this ridiculous journey I got off at the impressive and wonky Federation Square, and immediately was attracted by the signs for the Game On exhibition in the ACMI - this was an exhibition all about the history and evolution of gaming over the last few decades, featuring loads of free (well, sort of - it was $15 to get in) arcade games and consoles to play on. I discovered that I suck at the original Pong, as well as Locoroco and Guitar Hero (the last of which I knew already). I spent a good three hours or so wandering around in there, so long in fact that it was dark when I got out, so I headed back to Dave's via the bottle shop. Dave, Pip and I watched some Trailer Park Boys, followed by My Neighbour Tottoro and Heat - none of which I had ever seen before. Tottoro is an awesome film, I had wanted to see it since Japan - Tottoro World was near where I was staying, and I was intrigued to see what the fuss was about. Heat was really intense and incredible too, but I'm sure you already knew that.

Day 234 (Thursday 5th) - Wandering Round The City

Today I planned to go on the Neighbours tour, but failed - I went to the Coffee Palace Backpackers to sign up around one o'clock, but I had just missed the bus and it was full anyway. Thwarted, I walked down to St. Kilda beach for a read. There were a few people swimming, even though it was freezing (I later discovered that they were part of a group called The Icebergers) - the beach is nice enough, if a little narrow, and it's always odd to see container ships in the distance when you're lying on the sand. For lunch I went for sushi and then headed into town - with a ticket this time. I planned to do a walking tour I had found in a guide book - well, not a tour so much as a vague wandering loop around the centre. However, on the way in I espied the Eureka Tower, apparently the world's tallest residential building (at 92 floors/297 m) with the highest observation deck in the southern hemisphere. It was pretty impressive, and as it was a perfectly clear day I could see for miles in every direction, and took far too many pictures of the views.

Having had my fill of stunning Melburnian vistas, and noticing the sun was rather low in the sky, I started my walk around the CBD, via Collins St, a few cool little laneways, an awesome bakery in Chinatown, and Mrs. Parma's pub. Before I knew it it was 1900, so I headed back and consulted with Dave about dinner - while Dave went to the gym, I ended up buying and cooking a chicken Panang curry with rice - it was actually really delicious, although I screwed up the rice somehow, so it was a wee bit gooey. This bothers me, as I've managed to screw up the rice in the same way the last few times I've cooked, and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. Anyway, Dave got out Princess Mononoke from the video shop, which was really good - I'd heard it was the best Ghibli film, and I'm inclined to agree. Great artwork, feudal Japan, giant beast forest gods, and a fair amount of violence too - what more could you want in a film? Awesome.

Day 235 (Friday 6th) - Ramsay Street!

Right, so I was booked onto the 0810 tour bus, for which I nearly overslept. I caught it and we were ferried to the Neighbours centre on Flinders Street. The second we walked in I identified the Wurlitzer from the cafe, to the amusement and mild derision of some girls from the bus. Before too long we were put onto the official Neighbours bus, where we watched a classic episode (I chose Jim's death) while the driver told us facts about various sets we were driving past. First stop was Erinsborough High - well, the building they use for outside shots. the driver got the Erinsborough High sign out of the back of the bus and hung it on the fence for people to take pictures. Next stop was the Global Television studios, where we would get to meet our 'star', as advertised. We drove in and parked between Carpenter's Mechanics and Grease Monkeys, and awaited the arrival of... Kim Valentine aka Libby Kennedy! After signing some stuff and posing for photos - including a Ben Bruce onto which she tagged the words "...best shag ever!"- we had a bit of a question and answer session. She seemed really cool, very friendly, smiley, chatty and slightly smutty (as well as really hot too). Next up was Ramsay Street itself - or Pin Oak Court, to give it its proper name. There is a security guard on duty 24 hours a day to prevent drunken locals coming and looking for Harold, apparently. The driver/guide got a Ramsay Street sign out of the bus and passed it around for photos. It was very odd being there, it looks quite a lot bigger on TV, but also wierdly familiar. I immediately recognised the Robinson house, Harold's house, the old Sculley house, and of course the House Of Trouser next door to Karl and Susan's. Many photos later, we were back on the bus for the trip back into Melbourne. This time we watched Libby and Drew's wedding, and Helen Daniels' death. That was a spiggin' awesome morning.

Day 231-2 - Goodbye Sydney, Hello Melbourne!

Day 231 (Monday 2nd) - Packing, Quizzing And Girls Kissing

The best part of the day was taken up with buying a box, packing it, repacking it, repeating this a few times then eventually just ramming everything in and deciding that was enough of that. Em had her exam in the afternoon, with promises of going out and getting really drunk when she returned. This wasn't immediately the case, as she came back and slipped into trackies and slumped on the sofa in front of Scrubs for a while. We went to the local and met her mate Emily (the one who told me way more than I needed to know about her and Sam's relationship last time I saw her), and ended up taking part in the pub quiz - we did pretty well, 5th out of 12 but only about 4 points behind the winners. Quiz over, Em and I headed out to Surrey Hills to meet her mate Dog, who I've met before and quite liked. We had a couple of drinks in a scuzzy pub before moving on to a bar on Oxford street, in the gay area of town. It being a Monday night, it wasn't too busy, so we settled down for another beer or two. Within 10 minutes of sitting down, two girls came and sat not more than 5 metres away, and swiftly started making out. Emily turned to see what Dog and I were gawping at, then turned back and gasped "Is that... are they... hot lesbians?" Dog and I nodded dumbly. The girls continued what they were doing unabated for ages, so long in fact that we moved downstairs because it was becoming obvious that we were watching them, and we hadn't said anything to Em for ages. When I passed them again later, one was lying on the sofa and I swear the other one was biting her nipple through her shirt. Awesome.

Anyway, armed with a grin and a slight sense of voyeuristic guilt, we left the pub around half one and said farewell to Dog before heading home. My dinner consisted of a wierd meat-filled pastry and two Baklawa from Zeno's Restaurant, which looked like I was the first customer in a good few months, and sort of tasted like it too. This was my only non-instant noodle food today - I need to improve.

Day 232 (Tuesday 3rd) - Hanging And Cancellations

Today was a bit of a hassle - I woke up feeling like absolute death with a real bastard behind the eyes, worked out that I drank over a gallon of beer last night, and sat around feeling rubbish and very slowly finished packing. I took my box down to the post office where I was informed that it would cost $100.15 to send it back home, as it weighed nearly 11 kg. I paid this, having investigated the cost of sending it other ways, none of which proved to be much cheaper. However, just after I got back to the flat I remembered Em's kind offer to take it home for me, for free, when she went home in July - this would get it back a month sooner, and for free, but unfortunately I remembered this too late. After a fruitless quest for McDonalds (I desperately craved a massive coke), I settled down to wait for Em's return, and pondered leaving Sydney - apparently last night I promised that I would be back in Sydney within 12 months - I said something similar to Rob as well, albeit not so specific.

Anyway, Em came back, and told me how little she was suffering, as I sat bleary-eyed on the sofa fighting my unrelenting bastard for a while. Three o'clock rolled around and it was time to go. A sad farewell to wonderful Emily, and I was off. I was somewhat concerned about making my flight, as I was supposed to be there by 1545, and I didn't make it to the airport until nearly 4. This turned out to be no problem though, as due to mental weather in Melbourne all the flights were screwed up - mine was cancelled, and I eventually got into Melbourne at 2100, only three hours behind schedule, which is OK. Dave very kindly picked me up from the airport, and we cruised back to his for Rum and coke and some Trailer Park Boys on DVD. After he'd gone to bed, I ended up having a lengthy and entertaining chat with his housemate Pip about physics and acoustics and the like, which mainly served as an unsettling reminder of quite how much I have forgotten over the last year...